King Charles is planning his annual Balmoral bash, and guess whoâs not on the guest list?Meghan Markle and her mysterious âghostâ kids are pâŠ
King Charles is planning his annual Balmoral bash, and guess whoâs not on the guest list?Meghan Markle and her mysterious âghostâ kids are persona non grata this summer. But hold onto your crowns because thatâs where things get really rocky on the royal rollercoaster.
We all know Meghan has been itching for a comeback, like a dog with fleas, but it looks like her dream of a grand return is going up in smoke faster than a bonfire. Hereâs where it gets really juicy: while Meghan is stuck in California, probably practicing her wave in the mirror, King Charles is rolling out the red carpet for none other than Zara and Mike Tindall. Thatâs rightâthe kingâs niece and her rugby hunk of a husband are getting the VIP treatment.
Now letâs appreciate the delicious irony here: Meghan, whoâs been desperately calling for the spotlight like a cat in a room full of laser pointers, is being shoved unceremoniously into the shadows. Meanwhile, Zara, whoâs never been one to chase the limelight, is handed a golden ticket. Itâs a real-life Game of Thrones, and Meghan just got checkmated by a horse girl and an ex-rugby player. Talk about a twist!
And it gets betterâKing Charles is so keen to have the Tindalls at Balmoral that heâs willing to move Heaven and Earth to accommodate them. Can you imagine the king of England rearranging his schedule for a horse show? Now thatâs what I call a royal neighbor.
Meanwhile, poor old Harry is twiddling his thumbs, probably wondering if he can sneak in a quick visit with Dad when no oneâs looking. Itâs like the awkward cousin at a family reunion hovering by the punch bowl.
But letâs get back to the real star of the showâor should I say the wannabe starâwhoâs been left in the wings: our dear Meghan, the Duchess of Drama. She must be absolutely seething right now. I can just picture her pacing around her California mansion, ranting to an army of PR people. âBut Iâm the star!â she probably wails, clutching her pearl necklace. âIâm the one whoâs supposed to be the main attraction!â Sorry, Meg, but it looks like the only spotlight youâll be getting is the one you install in your closet to better admire your unworn tiaras.
The royal family has moved on, and letâs not forget about those mysterious Mountbatten-Windsor kids. Are they real? Are they holograms? Are they elaborate dolls created by Jim Hensonâs Creature Shop? The world may never know, but one thing is for sure: they wonât be frolicking on the grounds of Balmoral anytime soon.
I know some of you might think, âBen, isnât it a bit harsh? Shouldnât we give Meghan and Harry a break?â To which I say, whereâs the fun in that? These two have provided us with more drama than a Shakespearean festival, and Iâm here for it. But seriously, folks, this Balmoral snub is more than just a petty family squabble. Itâs a clear message from Charles about the future of the monarchy. Heâs drawing a line and saying, âNo Sussexes allowed.â By inviting the Tindalls and other family members, Charles is showing what he values most: loyalty, discretion, and a willingness to do the job without complaining.
Zara and Mike have never sought the spotlight, never aired the familyâs dirty laundry on Oprah, and never tried to cash in on royal connections. Now theyâre reaping the rewards. Itâs a master class in how to be a successful royal: keep your head down, do your duty, and for Heavenâs sake, donât write a tell-all memoir.
.But letâs be realâwhereâs the fun in that? We all love a good royal scandal, and Meghan and Harry have been serving them up on a silver platter. Without them, what will we gossip about? The kingâs gardening initiatives? Princess Anneâs latest equestrian amusements? Boring.
So hereâs to it: while King Charles might think heâs creating a drama-free zone, heâs actually depriving us of prime entertainment. Imagine the fireworks if Meghan and Zara duked it out over scones and YouTube content.
Alas, weâll have to make do with speculating about whatâs really going on behind those stone walls. Will Prince William and Kateâs kids be forced to participate? Will Prince Andrew be allowed out of whatever attic theyâre keeping him in? And most importantly, will anyone remember to bring the right adapter for Fergieâs hair straighteners?
So, to sum it up: Meghan out, Zara in, Harry in limbo, and the rest of us are left wondering if weâll ever see those elusive Sussex sprogs in the flesh. Itâs a royal mess, and Iâm loving every minute of it.